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Wednesday, June 24, 2020

You Exist Too Much


By Zaina Arafat

Catapult     2020
260 pages      Literary

I finished reading You Exist Too Much several days ago, and have not written about it until now,  in part because I have been processing my thoughts. I think ultimately I found it to be a fascinating look at the world through the eyes of a young Palestinian-American bisexual woman. The unnamed protagonist has led a fascinating life even though she is now just in her mid-twenties. She traveled to the Middle East for most summers of her childhood, flitting between her family’s cultural norms and the cultural norms she seeks in the United States. She works as a DJ but is determined to become a writer.

The young woman is constantly in love, often, but not always,  with women, and more often than not with women who are out of reach. Even though she has several relationships, she is constantly on the lookout for something more. She is often obsessed with someone for a time, but then moves on, not quite understanding why this is happening to her.

When she tells her mother that she is queer, her mother responds, “You exist too much.” Frankly, I loved that response, because it completely encapsulates this character. The interesting thing is that one could say the same thing about her mother. She exists too much as well, and her relationship with her troubled daughter is fraught with anxiety and volatility. The narrator desperately wants to please her mother, but seemingly is unable to find a balance between her mother’s demands and her own desires.

The most poignant chapters take place at a treatment center, where she is treated for a “love addiction,” whatever that is. It is in this place that the young woman begins to understand who she is, and how her culture and her upbringing has brought her to this place. She begins to resolve some of her risky behavior and consider a path forward for her life.

I particularly liked the review on NPR. This reviewer says, “it offers a messy, multilayered, flawed, insecure character as proof that multi-everything should be a category, because humans are too complicated for every other classification, and multicultural leaves out things like sexuality and mental illness. At once complicated and engaging, this is the kind of debut novel that announces the arrival of a powerful new author who, besides writing beautifully, has a lot to say.”

There are some indications that You Exist Too Much has some autobiographical characteristics, because Zaina Arafat has a similar life story. She is currently a  writing professor, which is where the book’s narrator is heading. In a very revealing interview, she says that as she created her novel she was “writing her way through it” by which she meant that she “didn’t know what the narrator was going to discover until it was revealed to her. I could only discover that by writing the scenes and reflecting on them off the page.”  

Finally, Arafat says that her intention was to explore internalized shame, and shame that is projected on you. This may be the most important outcome of the book. How do we raise our daughters and sons to not internalize those things that are spoken to them that causes shame? How do we create the strength in our children that helps them to grow beyond that internalized shame? You Exist Too Much helps the reader understand that it is possible to grow beyond shame.

Arafat writes of characters who come from the Middle Eastern diaspora. I think that we will expect more great writing from her.

Thursday, June 11, 2020

Postmark Berlin


By Anne Emery
ECW Press     2020
376 pages     Mystery

In the eleventh entry of Anne Emery’s award-winning series, “Father Brennan Burke is coming off a rough stint in Belfast and he's been trying to obliterate those memories with drink ever since. His troubles intensify when the body of one of his parishioners washes up on the beach in Halifax. 
Meika Keller came to Canada after escaping through the Berlin Wall. Now a Canadian military officer is charged with her murder. Defense lawyer Monty Collins argues that her death was suicide. That's the last thing Father Burke wants to hear. Guilty of neglecting his duties as a priest when Meika needed him most, Brennan feels compelled to uncover whatever prompted her cry for help and led to her death.

The story takes us from the historic Navy town of Halifax, Nova Scotia, to the history-laden city of Berlin, as Brennan and his brother Terry head to Germany in search of answers. And while Brennan is determined to find out what accounted for Meika's death, nothing could have prepared him for the events that unfold. And in the midst of all this, Brennan and Monty must deal with conflicts between the two of them, which arose out of their time in Belfast and have yet to be resolved. “

One of the reasons I like to read mysteries is because of the details regarding the setting, and definitely this is the case with Postmark Berlin. We learn a lot about Halifax, Berlin, and Leipzig, as Father Burke travels around attempting to solve who may have murdered Meika. Or was it suicide? 

The reader feels comfortable enough with Father Burke to call him Brennan, and I found Brennan to be a very relatable character, filled with flaws but with an immense number of redeemable characteristics. He is responding to what he feels is his failure to help Meika, and his guilt is palpable.

I really knew nothing about East Berlin during its Communist days, nor did I know anything about the Stasi, the East German secret police. Brennan learns a lot as well as he travels, seeking information about Meika as a way of assuaging his guilt. Nothing is as simple as it looks, as Brennan soon discovers, particularly because he is relying on a postcard that Meika has received with a postmark of Berlin and a picture of Stasi headquarters. Who sent it to Meika? Why?

I had no trouble dropping into the lives of Brennan, his brothers, and his detecting partner, Monty, even though this was their eleventh outing together. Sometimes mystery novels spend too much time trying to catch the reader up on what happened before; I felt that Emery did a good job of keeping the reader updated. However, I did get lost in lots and lots of details. Too many details. In fact, I almost got bogged down in details that did not move the plot forward. The Kirkus reviewer says, “Sympathetic characters, a complex plot, and a slew of details of questionable relevance.” My feelings exactly.

Anne Emery’s website.



Wednesday, June 3, 2020

Side By Side But Never Face to Face


By Maggie Kast

Orison Books 2020
186 pages   A Novel in Stories

Maggie Kast is a woman with sensibilities very similar to mine. Although she tells the story of her life in fictional form (several short stories and a novella), we can’t help but realize that this is a memoir. When asked if this is autobiographical, she says, “Partly. Some characters are based on real people and some are entirely imagined.” She wanted to “heighten the reader’s sense of the mystery underlying the fabric of our daily lives.”

Greta is the main character and a stand-in for Maggie herself. She is married to Manfred, an Austrian Holocaust survivor. Theirs is a marvelous marriage, full of drama, love, tragedy, heartbreak, and happiness. They share several children; one with special needs and another who dies as a little girl in a traffic accident. Much of the book includes short stories about the family’s life experiences. She also tells stories about her parents, their life stories and the lessons she learned from them. Finally, the novella reveals that Greta has found new romance and love as an older woman.

Spiritual growth is a major theme of the book, the theme that I most recognize and connect with. At one point shortly after the car accident that killed their daughter, Greta comments to Manfred,: “Do you think there’s some sense in the way things are, no matter how bad or how good?” Manfred responds: “The world is mysterious. Who knows where a baby comes from! Or how I survived the Nazis? Or happened to run into you?” Her conclusion: “Somehow I feel there’s a god in this. I don’t know what I mean, but I’m drawn by a thirst or hunger in my body and mind. I think I sense something holy.” 

A couple of the stories deal with Manfred’s illness and death. These struck me with intensity, because at that point Greta is caring for him as well as a young child, a special needs son, and two young adults. These stories resonated particularly with me because I shared some of them with her, but also because of the anguish and resolve with which Greta participates in this major change in her life.

All is not pain and sorrow in these stories. There are some light moments and some great philosophical moments. I think that the reader needs to be in a particular frame of mind to read Side By Side But Never Face to Face. This is a remarkable woman’s life experiences and the reader must be ready to share those experiences with her.

I remain curious about why Kast told these stories as fiction, because the book would have been equally impactful as memoir. Greta is a powerful survivor. We are so proud of her journey and her search for identity. She is a person I would like to know, as I imagine I would like to know Maggie Kast. I highly recommend Side by Side But Never Face to Face. Love the title; wonder how it evolved.

I appreciate the publicist sending this book to me, because otherwise, I never would have found it.