by Lori Duron
Broadway Books
2013
288 pages Memoir
Lori Duron is the mother of two boys, Chase and C.J. Chase
is a boy's boy and C.J. loves princesses and Barbie dolls. At first Duron and her
husband were a bit freaked out by the way in which toddler C.J. embraced all
things girlie. Luckily for C.J., Duron already had experience with this because
her brother was a bit gender-creative, as she calls the phenomenon. The couple
tried to figure out a strategy for dealing with this child who was an anomaly
in a gender-specific world. Eventually
she started a blog to try to connect with other mothers having the same
experience. In the blog, she explores LGBTQ resources, speaks to psychologists
and teachers, and compares notes with her blog-sphere friends. The blog, called
Raising My Rainbow, has now become a book, which was published last week. The
book doesn't read like blog postings, but more like a memoir of three years in
the life of their family. It is interesting and enlightening, but more
importantly, it shows how far our society has come when it comes to LGBTQ
issues. Twenty years ago, a book like this would not have been possible.
I read Raising My Rainbow from the other end of the age spectrum.
I am the mother of a gay man who just turned 40. As I was reading Raising My
Rainbow, I wracked my brain to remember his "gender creative"
characteristics. Here is what I remember: when he was two years old, he choreographed
the entire 1812 Overture and made the same dance moves every time the music
played. Gender-creative, perhaps, but I took it to mean that he was
tremendously musical.
When he was about 10 or eleven, my son wanted dance lessons
because he was planning a career in musical theater. He took two years of
lessons and then landed the role of John in the community theater production of
Peter Pan. A dream realized. Later, he became the drum major of the high school
marching band and had leads in high school and university musicals. The dance
lessons led him to all of those things.
Gender-creative, I suppose. I always thought it was just
Matthew being Matthew.
As a parent, I have always believed that it is necessary to
follow the lead of your child when it comes to interests and activities--to not
force activities on your child. Each child is unique. In about 6th grade,
Matthew said, "You know, I don't want to play soccer anymore." What
he wanted to do was to be a hockey fan, so for several years, he went to all
the university hockey games. When he was 10, he became a big fan of the Miss
America Pageant, because a family friend spent a year as Miss Michigan, and he
became an expert on all things Miss America. Now he is a fan of his
university's basketball team, and he knows the music of all the divas of the
musical theatre. His hobby is to DJ, and he performs for fundraisers and
occasional gigs for dance parties. Matthew being Matthew.
The most important part of parenting is to create
self-confident, independent children who can carve out their own place in the
world. In that regard, raising Matthew was successful. He is very accomplished
in his chosen career, nationally and internationally known in his field, and is well-respected in his community. He is charming
company and a caring, loving son.
It is necessary to our society that we have these gender-creative
individuals. If not for them, we would not have many of our dress and costume
designers, musicians, actors, women athletes, hair dressers, and on and on. They
greatly add to the richness of our society.
More than anything, Raising My Rainbow is an affirmation
that parenting is no easy task.
Interview with Lori Duron and Jennifer Finney Boylan in
Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/raising-my-rainbow/201308/conversation-lori-duron-and-jennifer-finney-boylan
The Raising My Rainbow Blog: http://raisingmyrainbow.com/
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