Normal Family

By Chrysta Bilton

Back Bay    2022

272 pages     Memoir

The subtitle, “On Truth, Love, and How I Met My 35 Siblings” created some anxiety in me. I had just watched a documentary called Taken at Birth about Dr. Thomas Hicks, who sold over 200 babies from his clinic in Mississippi in the 1950s and 1960s. I worried that this might be a similar story, but Normal Family has a totally different perspective and is a first-person account of Chrysta Bilton’s life as the daughter of a single gay woman and a paid sperm donor.

Bilton’s mother is quite a character, and Chyrsta and her sister Kaitlyn had a very unstable childhood. Debra, their mother, wanted more than anything for joy in their lives, but because of alcohol, drugs, and an off-and-on career, she was pretty much unable to provide what the girls needed. Jeffrey, their father, shows up whenever Debra pays him to come over, but what they don’t know is that he is regularly donating sperm to a fertility clinic, resulting in more than 35 half-siblings.

As the girls grow up, they come to understand their mother better and see less of their father, who has his own demons. Jeffrey, on the other hand, is beginning to realize that the other children of his sperm may want to know him and starts to reach out as Donor 150. This realization came as a result of a New York Times article about sperm donors and Donor 150. In his own way, he was proud of Chrysta and Kaitlyn, and wanted his other children to know him as well.

Bilton tells this story in such an delightful way that the reader is totally engaged with her life story, the trials she and her sister experienced, and the strength that guided them through to adulthood. At one point, Bilton even tells about how she was dating a guy, who turned out to be her brother. The Kirkus reviewer says, “Bilton’s warts-and-all depiction is sometimes hilarious, sometimes horrifying, always grounded in extraordinary forgiveness and resilience.”

Of course, this happened in the early days of sperm donation and sperm purchase. Now, DNA and ancestry websites help people find their relatives. Chrysta tells about how several of her siblings met each other, in part because of the urging of her husband, who felt that Chrysta needed to have that closure in her life. The meetup made her sister, Kaitlyn, very uncomfortable, and she only stayed for a short time. On the other hand, the meetup helped finish Chrysta's journey.

I have an acquaintance whose son was the sperm donor for a lesbian couple, and they had a beautiful little girl. Right away, the couple  asked my friend if she would fill the role of grandma to the little girl. My friend was thrilled because she doesn’t have any other grandchildren. The little group meets several times a year, and my friend and her granddaughter Zoom with each other frequently. I certainly recommended Normal Family to her. Actually, I would like to recommend it to anyone who likes memoirs. It is fascinating and a “wholly absorbing page turner.” And you thought your childhood was crazy!!!

Chrysta Bilton’s website