By Oren Jay Sofer
Shambhala 2018
284 pages Spiritual
The Shortlist
Here is a brief summary of Say What You Mean by Oren Sofer.
We spend so much of our lives
talking to each other, but how much are we simply running on automatic—relying
on old habits and hoping for the best? Are we able to truly hear others and
speak our mind in a clear and kind way, without needing to get defensive
or go on the attack? In this groundbreaking synthesis of mindfulness,
somatics, and Nonviolent Communication, Oren Jay Sofer offers simple yet
powerful practices to develop healthy, effective, and satisfying ways of
communicating in his book Say What You Mean.
Sofer is a teacher of meditation and Nonviolent
Communications in both Buddhist and secular contexts. His advice is sound and
the techniques he prescribes can help everyone engaged in meaningful conversation. He suggests that there are three steps to
creating skillful communication. At the outset, they seem simple enough: lead
with presence, come from curiosity and care; and focus on what matters. Each section
of the book focuses on one step with the last section of the book fitting
everything together. There are practices within each section, and I found myself
underlining a lot of great information and helpful guidance.
The techniques he suggests include feeling confident during
conversation; staying focused on what really matters in an interaction;
listening for the authentic concerns behind what others say; reducing anxiety
before and during difficult conversations; and finding nourishment in day-to-day
interactions.
As I was looking over the book, I was thinking about a
family member who has trouble expressing what he is feeling. Much of what he
expresses are his current frustrations, and it takes a while to sit with him
and get to the heart of the matter. Yet, when one listens closely, his love,
care, and worry come out, and the conversational partner is able to discuss the
important things. When I talk with him, I am listening for the authentic
concerns behind what he is saying.
I hate chit-chat, primarily because I am no good at it, and
I hate meet-ups and parties where it is all about chit-chat. Say
What You Means offers sound advice on talking about what really
matters.
I was privileged to read an advance copy sent by the publicist.
Out today, Saw What You Mean is mindfulness in action.
Oren Sofer’s website.
No comments:
Post a Comment